Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) is a form of romantic relationship and couple therapy that focuses on relational counselling that transforms a conflict into an opportunity to grow and heal. Imago Relationship Therapy focuses on collaboratively healing childhood wounds couples share. Both people in the relationship can learn how to heal one another, and appreciate each other for the person they are.

Four Main Principles of Imago Therapy

There are four principles that are used in the clinical setting for IRT. These are thought to be the most essential ingredients to bring intimacy back into the relationship.

Becoming present to your partner

This requires a transformation of consciousness in which one discovers the “otherness” of the partner, in which we get that “my partner is not me, ”which promotes progress toward the important developmental leap known as differentiation.

Learning a new way to talk

That is, turning the conversation from an exchange of parallel monologues into a dialogue. Dialogue creates equality, safety, and connection.

Replacing judgement

Judgement is known as the destroyer of intimacy.  Curiosity, however, ensures safety and deepens connection. This requires eliminating negativity, since negativity stimulates anxiety, signals danger, and thus activates defensiveness, which are major barriers to intimacy.

Infusing the relationship with positive feelings

Such as appreciation, admiration, acceptance, and similar emotions. These deliberate positive verbal expressions (appreciations) are among the building blocks of authentic love, which is, for Imago, the consummation of intimate partnership and the epitome of a relationship that is both safe and passionate, comfortable and exciting.

There are three methods of IRT – mirroring, validation, and empathy. Mirroring refers to sending back the message the other person is asking. Validation is being able to summarise the other person’s message and then articulate back the partner’s point of view. Whilst empathy allows partners to feel what the other is feeling by imagining the other’s emotions. Learning these methods of communication and behaviours can allow a relationship to move from disconnection to connection – thus meaning, that the couple is intrinsically more connected.